If I Only Had (Less) of a Brain
I fancy myself an intellectual. I enjoy deep conversations and diatribes about life, love, religion, politics, the meaning of the universe, the brevity of celebrity marriages, you know, the IMPORTANT things. I relish being intelligent, but my brain is usually on overdrive. I am never satisfied to just let things be. I am in constant analysis mode, always trying to "figure things out." The problem becomes, I usually create meaning where there may be none, create issues where none originally existed, and make the proverbial mountain out of a molehill. Being observant serves me well on occasion, but it also makes me miss the simple joys in life because the grey matter inside my skull cannot function without a million questions and observations constantly swirling. I would ask the Wizard for an "off switch" for my brain.
If I Only Had a (Stronger) Heart
It has pumped through four marathons, so I know my heart is physically strong. The strength I need is to love and accept myself a bit more. While in constant analysis mode, I am also in a perpetual state of self-reflection or, more often than not, self-deprecation. After being observed by my superiors and told what a great job I am doing, I have thought, "I am awful. I can do better." After completing a 16 mile run, I have thought, "I'm weak! I can push myself harder." When I have been complimented on my attire or appearance, I have thought, "I am fat and ugly. They're just being nice." Even just casually hanging out with friends I have often thought, "I sound stupid. I should stop talking." I am not ignorant to my accomplishments, nor do I think that the people around me are just paying me lip service; I just wish my heart loved ME a little bit more. I would ask the Wizard for a Valentine card to myself.
If I Only Had (More) Courage
Fear is an emotion that I let control my life too often. It kind of piggybacks off of needing less of a brain and a stronger heart. The aforementioned over analytical mind and self-belittlement leads to the fear. I fear that I am not smart enough, not pretty enough, not friendly enough, not ENOUGH. I fear that I am making wrong choices. I fear that I will never become the person that I am meant to be. I fear that I am NOT the person I want to be. I fear that everyone else has life figured out except me. I fear that I will never be satisfied with my life. I fear that I do not have the courage to make mistakes, to fail. I fear the potential that I have if I stopped questioning, stopped disparaging, stopped fearing. This one is pretty simple, Wizard. Like the Lion, I just need some more courage.
I cannot help but think that we ALL could use a Wizard from time to time. (Plus, I could not make this post all about me. I questioned the fact that it focused on just me, then thought that I am selfish and full of myself for making it all about me, then feared posting it because it was all about me.) What the Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion were seeking are pretty universal. Who has not been in a situation involving questioning, loving, fearing, perhaps all three at once? The reality is that the Wizard does exist. We ARE the Wizard. Although it would be nice for there to be an all-knowing and powerful being to fix all of our problems, it has to come from us. We are the men (and women) behind the curtain. I have to find the "off switch" in my brain, I have to love myself a bit more, I have to not give into the fear so much. No Wizard is going to do these things for me. So I encourage everyone to seek out his or her inner Wizard and allow it to give us the things that we need. I just consulted my own inner Wizard. She said I can deal with my brain, heart, and fear tomorrow. For now I should go out and buy some wicked shoes!
You are in NYC there have to be lots of "wicked" shoes! Have fun shopping and yes, worry about the rest tomorrow. There is a story and song in that also!
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